My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
