Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
