so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
