Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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