I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
