so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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