Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
