It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
