No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
