No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think people are normalizing furries
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
