i can't believe i had my finger in that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
