I think I just saw someone hide a body.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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