Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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