Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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