Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
