Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
