She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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