haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
