She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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