he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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