It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
