toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize