Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
