I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
