fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
