Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You can't special order awesome
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
