i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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