your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please, let me fuck your mom
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
sex in a hospital.. check
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
