dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
