Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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