i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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