What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
