He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
being pregnant is like rehab
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
