she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
