I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
