maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
