doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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