i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
