Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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