Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
