Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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