When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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