It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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