she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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