Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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