I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
