just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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