Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
