I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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