you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
