is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
