the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The power of my boobs compel you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
