This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pooping to opera.
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