i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
