Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am one with the molecules
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
