you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
