I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
