What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
