dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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