What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Are we still banned from the library?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
