New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize