On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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