Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
