So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
