Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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