Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
