our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
