some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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